Unintentional Infant Acquisition
by nevermindthebuttocks
Summary: The team experiences a small, baby-sized setback in their regular snagging, bagging, and tagging. A small bit of family fluff that's been begging to be written.


Disclaimer: I do not own Warehouse 13.

Author's Note: The surprise baby trope is one of my guilty pleasures, but I've found that I hate almost every other fanfic with babies/kids in them because no one writes kids right. They always end up making the baby unrealistic. Anyway, this was in my head and it demanded to be written. I have babies on the brain lately, as I recently found out I'm about to be an aunt again! I adore kids and wanted to write one that felt real. Constructive criticism is very much appreciated.

Pete knows he's going to have a hard time explaining this one to the rest of the team. He and Myka had been out on a mission together at a museum. Shortly after swapping the artifact, a lamp suspected to have belonged to Florence Nightingale, for a replica, Myka had unknowingly brushed against a vintage cradle as she turned around. There was a brilliant flash of light, and a cry, and then nothing. Pete cautiously stepped over to where Myka had been standing. There was nothing.

"Myka? Mykes? Are you, like, invisible or something? Oh man, _please_ just be invisible. _Myka_?" His voice rose in urgency towards the end. There was no sign of his partner, and as tears filled his eyes he suddenly heard a small cry from his right. With no small amount of trepidation, and a vibe telling him exactly what he would find inside, he took a deep breath and peered over the edge of the cradle next to him. Lying inside, in a small white dress, was an infant he immediately recognized. Deep hazel eyes surrounded by thick black lashes gazed up at him as she sucked on her fist. A halo of dark curls surrounded her head. He reached into the cradle to pick her up and the baby –_Myka_, his brain reminded him –didn't protest.

"Okay this is bad. I mean it's not as bad as it could have been, but I'm pretty sure Artie might kill us. Or me, anyway. He's too soft to kill you, especially baby you. Can you understand what I'm saying?" he stammered away while the baby stared up at him, gurgling softly.

That had been hours ago. He'd tried neutralizing the cradle, which had emitted a few sparks but otherwise had no effect. It was too large to fit in a static bag, obviously. He'd eventually carried it to his car, taking care to use his gloves and not let it touch his body. The last thing they needed was both of them turned into babies. The museum had only been an hour or so away from the warehouse, and it was late at night. He cradled baby Myka in his arms for the drive, going so slowly on the back roads that it took nearly three times as long to reach home. As he pulled into the Bed and Breakfast he said a silent prayer to whatever deity had made the Dakotas so relatively uninhabited. He'd had no traffic on the ride home, but the guilt over driving without a car seat for Myka was still present.

As he enters the B&B he can hear that the rest of the team is currently in the middle of dinner, and he's not sure whether to walk in holding baby Mykes or to call them to the foyer and warn them. He's debating which will cause less panic, when Myka apparently makes the decision for him and begins to wail. The dinner conversation stops and almost immediately, four chairs scoot back from the table and four pairs of feet run into the foyer. The group screeches to a halt when they see Pete holding the dark-haired baby, who is currently still screaming, and in any other situation Pete would find it comical, but right now he's seriously worried about how to get his partner back and he's only just realized that she's probably hungry.

The group, previously stunned into silence, seems to all find their voices at once.

"Pete, what on earth is going on—"

"What the frack, dude, who's the baby?"

"Um, hey man, what are you—"

But its Leena's voice, that silences them all, with a gasp as she stares at the baby.

"Oh my goodness, Pete. Her aura is…that's _Myka_!" Their eyes widen, and again it would be comical if the situation weren't so tense. There's another immediate round of voices, but Myka, who had quieted down when the surge of voices hit, now begins to shriek, and Pete rocks her back and forth in his arms as he tries to calm the team down.

"Okay, okay, stop! First of all this one was totally Myka's fault; I didn't even touch anything, _she_ did! And second of all I have no idea how to reverse this and I'm kind of freaking out as much as you are. And thirdly, I think she's hungry and I don't have anything to feed her so could you guys please just _help_ me now and yell later?" It seems to work and the group calms down. Artie and Leena immediately jump to start researching and the artifact and when he informs them that it's in the backseat of the car they immediately want to run to the warehouse. Pete is still holding the fussing Myka, and it's obvious that he wants, possibly even needs, to go with them and research. He sends a pleading look towards Steve and Claudia. The former eyes the baby warily, and takes a step back, and the resident tech girl rolls her eyes, steps forward and holds her hands out for the baby. Myka is screaming in her arms for all of a few seconds before Claudia begins swaying her back and forth with Myka on her hip, shushing her slightly, and she ceases crying almost immediately. Pete does a quick double-take and exchanges confused glances with Steve before shrugging and running out the front door after Artie and Leena.

Steve turns to Claudia with questions in his eyes, but she cuts him off before he can say anything.

"Alright, Poopypants, it looks like it's up to us to feed the rugrat. We can use the steamed carrots from dinner." She spoke while walking into the kitchen and Steve jogged to catch up to her.

"Don't babies drink formula? Or, you know…breastmilk?" he glanced at Claudia's chest and she scowled at him. Claudia looked down at Myka in her arms, considering her for a moment before she replied.

"She's about six or seven months old. She's ready for solid food. And we know our Myka likes carrots, so it's worth a shot, at least. We can pick up formula later, but she's hungry now. Get out the blender, will you?" While Steve puts the steamed carrots leftover from their dinner into the blender to puree he keeps an eye on Claudia, who is pacing, baby on hip, all over the kitchen muttering to herself about their lack of this or that.

"There's not a baby-sized spoon in this entire house, you know that? And how are we supposed to change her diapers? And what about pajamas? Her feet will get cold in this dress." She sighs and pulls out the smallest bowl and spoon she can find, and sets them out for Steve to fill up with the mashed carrots, which he does silently, not wanting her grumblings to turn on him.

When he turns to the table, Claudia has sat Myka upon it. The small white dress she had been wearing is set off to the side and Claudia has fashioned a bib out of a towel and clothespin.

"Alright, Poopypants, let's have the carrots." He hands them to her and watches curiously as she proceeds to feed them to Myka, who seems to truly enjoy them. Or maybe she was just hungry enough that she'll eat anything, he thinks, wrinkling his nose at the orange concoction. A few spoonfuls into the meal, Myka begins to tip over, and Claudia grabs her and steadies her.

"She hasn't quite mastered sitting yet, Jinksy. Sit behind her so you can catch her when she tips." He does as she says, and from his new position he has the perfect view of Claudia's face as she feeds Myka. It's a side of her he hasn't seen before. Every so often she makes a silly face or coos at the baby, and it's a softer, warmer Claudia than he's ever seen. After a while he notices she's doing that classic mom thing where she takes an imaginary bite each time she brings the spoon to Myka's lips and he can't help but laugh softly as he watches it. She shoots him a glare.

"What?"

"It's just…you remember that scene from The Incredibles? Where the mom is feeding the baby?"

She scowls at him, and he can tell she's concentrating very hard on not taking the imaginary bite the next few spoonfuls. He almost wishes he hadn't said anything; it was sort of cute. It isn't long before Myka is full. She makes this known by blowing a raspberry at Claudia and giggling as the teen is sprayed with the mashed carrots. Claudia rolls her eyes and wipes them both off with a towel.

"Very funny, Mykes. Don't think I won't get you back from that when you're back to your normal self." The baby giggles again, and Claudia's face immediately softens. "Alright, kiddo. Let's figure out what we're going to do with you." And with that, they call Artie on the Farnsworth. He picks up, but doesn't manage to stop grumbling at Pete long enough to manage a hello.

"So Myka's fed and happy. Any leads on how to get her back to herself?" She's holding the Farnsworth in one hand and with the other has picked up the baby and is once more carrying her on her hip.

"Well Pete was smart enough to bring the cradle here, so that's at least something. It dates back to the 1800s, but so far that's all we've got. It isn't reacting to the neutralizer so we may be dealing with a bifurcated artifact. We'll continue the search in the morning. There's not much more we can do here tonight." He wipes his hand across his eyes, and Claudia nods her head.

"Okay. Before you guys come back, though, you're gonna need to stop in Univille. Hopefully there's something open this late. Myka's going to need some stuff, at the very least some formula, bottles, diapers, and a change of clothes. Some warm pajamas wouldn't hurt either, and I'm guessing she's in a size six-to-nine-month." Artie simply nods, distractedly, but Leena calls from over his shoulder that she can run and get the items. Claudia thanks them and closes the Farnsworth. There isn't much to do but wait. She carries the baby into the living room and sits cross-legged on the floor. Myka clearly isn't tired enough to go to bed, so Claudia has Steve shift the coffee table out of the way and places Myka on the floor on her stomach. They each sit back and watch as she amuses herself trying to crawl. She can get up on her hands and knees and rock back and forth but hasn't yet figured how to shift her hands and legs forward. She babbles happily to herself, falls onto her stomach, rolls over, and begins playing with her feet.

They stay that way for nearly an hour, Claudia and Steve simply watching Myka play. At some point she gets bored of lying on the floor and wants to practice standing, so she reaches to grab Steve's hands and pulls herself up to a standing position with his help. She begins bouncing up and down, her little hands wrapped around his thumbs. He's grinning at her as she bounces and the scene is enough to melt Claudia's heart. She slowly pulls her phone out of her pocket and pushes the record button on the camera.

It's about twenty minutes later when they hear a car pull up and the rustling of bags as Leena carries more baby accessories than are strictly necessary into the Bed and Breakfast. She gives them a sheepish smile as they eye the number of bags.

"Okay I know what you're thinking but everything was so cute! And tiny! And this one had elephants, but this one had bunnies and I couldn't decide!" She dumps the contents of the bags on the floor, careful to keep them out of Myka's reach. There are two pairs of pajamas and at least five separate outfits and even a couple pairs of shoes. Claudia is about to make a sarcastic comment when she spots the baby-sized Converse sneakers and lets out a squeal Leena and Steve have never heard before.

"Omigosh, Leena! They're so tiny and perfect!" She reaches out for Myka, who doesn't protest, and slips the shoes onto her. And so begins a tiny Myka fashion show, Claudia snapping pictures of each outfit with her phone, and it only ends when they've put her in the elephant pajamas and she immediately lets out a large yawn. They begin sorting through the rest of the shopping haul, and Leena takes the bottles and formula into the kitchen. Steve finds a small portable crib and sets about putting it together, and for a while Claudia sits, Myka in her lap, letting the infant gnaw on her finger while she fidgets with something on her iPod.

Artie and Pete return from the warehouse in time to help Steve finish assembling the crib, and just as they finish up, Leena reenters the living room with a bottle for Myka. They all realize at once that Myka can't sleep in the living room and there's a discussion about whose room she'll have to share; Artie and Steve emphatically decline, while Pete, Leena, and Claudia seem to be fine letting her room with them. It's just then that they begin to notice a faint odor coming from the baby, signaling a need for a new diaper, and Pete backs out of baby duty. Leena wrinkles her nose and hands Claudia the diapers and wipes, and Claudia makes quick work of it, before handing Myka off to Leena in order to dispose of the diaper and wash her hands. When she returns, the obvious pout on Myka's tiny face has made the sleeping arrangements for them. She doesn't dislike any of the team, but has a clear preference for Claudia.

They haul the newly assembled crib up to Claudia's room and they watch in fascination as Claudia sits in the chair, arranges Myka in her arms, feeds her the bottle, and turns on her iPod all at once. The first strains of a lullaby begin to hum out of the music player, and Steve realizes that her fidgeting earlier had been to download music for Myka. He whispers a goodnight to both girls in the chair, and turns to leave, before stopping short.

"Claude, is this a lullaby version of Bohemian Rhapsody?" She grins wickedly up at him.

"What else, Poopypants? Goodnight!"

One by one, taking second glances back at the teenager rocking Myka to sleep, they leave the room. Before Pete heads out he kisses baby Myka on the forehead, and then presses another to Claudia's forehead as well.

"What would we do without you, Claude?" She grins up at him.

"You'd be lost without me, Petey." He laughs softly, and nods.

"We would." He lingers in the doorway long enough to watch Claudia gaze affectionately at the baby, burp her, kiss the tip of her nose, and place her lovingly into the crib.

It's early the next morning –early for Claudia anyway; the rest of them are used to getting up with the sun—when they hear a baby cooing from downstairs. They race down, convinced that Myka has somehow managed to get out of her crib, past Claudia's closed door, and safely down the stairs all without waking the teen. What they find in the living room is the redhead sitting with her back against the arm of the couch, her feet flat against the couch cushion, Myka resting along the incline made by Claudia's legs. Claudia has hold of Myka's feet and is playing a soft game of patty-cake with the cooing baby. When she notices them staring she raises an eyebrow in their direction, and they quickly disperse. Leena goes to make breakfast, and Pete trails after her, no doubt looking for something to eat in the meantime. Artie sits on the couch by Claudia's feet, and Steve takes the chair across from her. It's his turn to be struck by how cute Claudia looks with Myka, and he pulls out his phone and takes a few photos of their patty-cake game, which soon turns into a tickling session. Myka's baby giggles have everyone grinning. After a few more minutes Claudia stands and sets Myka onto Artie's lap.

"Alright, Mykes. Auntie Claudia is going to shower. Play with Uncle Artie for a while." Artie feebly protests, but Claudia is already up the stairs. He turns the baby to face him, holding her under her arms, and letting her feet stand on his lap while he talks to her. She begins bouncing again as he tells her his plans to neutralize the artifact and bring her back to normal.

Several minutes later they sit down to their breakfast together, and Claudia places Myka on her lap, spoon-feeding her baby oatmeal in between bites of her own breakfast.

"So what's the plan for today?" She glances at Artie, who finishes his last bite of omelet, washes it down with coffee, and replies.

"Pete and I will be tracking down the history of the cradle Myka touched. You will be on baby duty. I need Steve and Leena in the warehouse to hold down the fort. Will you be alright with Myka by yourself?" Claudia looks down at the baby in her arms and nods.

"Should be fine. I'll call if there's any problem." They finish up their breakfasts and go their separate ways.

Claudia is in the middle of giving Myka a bath when her Farnsworth buzzes. Holding onto the baby with one hand to make sure she doesn't tip over, she uses the other to flip the cover open.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, Claude, we've got a lead on who the cradle belonged to. Sort of. We don't actually know who it belonged to, but it was donated to the museum by a—what exactly are you doing right now?"

"Trying to wash baby oatmeal out of Myka's hair and talk to you at the same time." Pete laughs.

"Alright, well long story short, we've got a lead and we're flying to Pennsylvania. Should be back by tonight, and with any luck we'll have a solution by then. See you later, and call Steve or Leena if you need anything. They're staying at the warehouse." Claudia nods, distractedly.

"Sounds good, see you tonight." She closes the Farnsworth and turns back to the splashing baby. "Okay, Mykes, let's get you cleaned up."

After the bath, Claudia dresses Myka in one of the tiny outfits Leena had purchased, and tops it off with the baby Converse. She sets the baby down on the living room rug to play with the few toys Leena picked up and snaps a few pictures with her phone. About an hour later Leena and Steve come back to the B&B for a lunch break. Claudia once again eats her meal slowly while feeding Myka bites of baby food, this time the leftover carrots from the night before. After lunch Steve and Leena take a few minutes to play with baby Myka. She lets out a long yawn, which they take as their cue to leave. Claudia picks up Myka and takes her upstairs.

"Good idea, Mykes. I think we could both use a nap." She rocks her for a few minutes, turning on the lullabies again, and when Myka's eyes flutter closed, Claudia lays her down in the crib. Turning to her own bed, she lies down on top of the covers and drifts to sleep.

When she wakes up it's early evening, and Myka isn't in her crib. She feels a stab of panic before she notices the note left on her bedside table. It's in Steve's handwriting.

"Claude: I figured I'd let you sleep a while longer since you were up early with Myka. We're downstairs when you wake up." She stretches, thankful for the extra couple of hours of sleep. She heads down the stairs and reaches the bottom just as Artie and Pete come in the door.

"We found it! Well, we think we found it! There's a super old blanket that used to be part of the cradle. We haven't found who it belonged to or even how it works, but we think the blanket is the other half of the artifact. When Artie touched it with his gloves on it sparked a bit."

Everyone has gathered around the foyer and is listening with interest. Steve is holding Myka, who is holding a stuffed bear. He looks down at her before speaking.

"So when do we change her back? And, you know, how?" Artie responds this time.

"As soon as possible. We have both items, we simply need to put the blanket back into the cradle and neutralize both artifacts together." He starts towards the door, and Claudia can't help herself.

"Wait." They all turn to look at her. "Could we just, like, take one family picture before she grows up again? I mean this has been the cutest artifact whammy ever, I sort of want something to remember it by." Artie rolls his eyes, but there's a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. Claudia grins and runs to get her camera. They take several photos, group shots and individual ones, with each of them holding baby Myka. When the time finally comes, they drive slowly to the warehouse, Myka riding on in Pete's arms once again. When they exit the car, Artie grabs the blanket from the trunk, and together they walk into his office where the cradle stands in the middle of the room.

"Okay, this is it. If you could all stand back. I don't know how long these two artifacts have been apart, and we don't know how they'll react to being reacquainted." The group edges back and Artie carefully sets the blanket into the cradle before stepping back himself.

There's a flash of light, and a small blast that sends them all flying to the floor. The light bulbs explode, plunging them into darkness, and as they sit up they have to waft away smoke in order to see. Leena is the first to speak.

"Did it work?" Pete shrugs, before realizing they can't see him, and answers.

"Well _something_ happened. I was holding her when Artie put the blanket in, then suddenly she wasn't in my arms anymore and I know I didn't just drop her." There's a wave of voices as they try to waft the smoke out of Artie's office and turn a light back on, and then suddenly—

"OUCH, Pete! Did you just _step_ on me?" It's Myka's voice and Pete's voice follows shortly after.

"Mykes! You're back!"

"What do you mean I'm back? Where would I have gone?" They can't see her through the darkness, but it's obvious she's rolling her eyes. Suddenly the lights come back on, and they can see Artie near the fuse box. Leena, Claudia, and Steve are still on the floor, and Pete is hugging a very confused Myka.

Several hours later, as they eat dinner—Claudia finally has both hands free to eat—they are explaining the events of the past two days to Myka, who isn't entirely sure she believes it until she sees the photographic evidence. They're all exhausted from the day's events, and shortly after their conversation is over they all head upstairs to bed. Claudia remains downstairs, which is where Steve finds her an hour later, lovingly packing away the baby clothes and toys. He leans against the wall, watching her for a few moments before he speaks.

"You know I've got to say, I never would've pegged you as a baby person." She looks up, startled, and he can see there are tears in her eyes. "Claude? What's wrong?" She laughs and blinks back the tears, and he makes his way over to stand next to her.

"I was just thinking how much I'm going to miss baby Myka. I mean I'm glad normal Myka is back, but having a baby around was nice. It—" she takes a breath, and glances at him before continuing. He can tell she's going to reveal something about her past, something she rarely does, and he sits down next to her and waits, holding her hand. "After Joshua disappeared, when I went into foster care, the first couple families I went to were awful." She shudders here, and Steve's jaw tightens. "But the third family I went to was so nice. They had twins about six months after I got there and my foster mom and I sort of partnered up to take care of them both. I adored her kids, and I got really good at taking care of them. But then when the twins were about two years old, she got pregnant again and they sent me back because there wasn't room enough for four kids." She's fighting hard to keep the tears from spilling over, and to be honest, Steve is too. "The next foster family I went to was fostering a baby boy, about the same age Myka was. They were crap foster parents, and I ended up taking care of the both of us for them. I knew how to care for babies because of the last family. He and I stayed together for about a year before his grandparents got him out of the system. Two families after that there was a baby girl. I helped take care of her, too. The family adopted her, but they didn't want me." She stops here and he pulls her into his arms and they sit together in an embrace while she cries. "Those were the happiest times for me, after Joshua disappeared. The babies and I always had a close bond, and taking care of them made me feel like I mattered, I guess. You don't always matter in foster families, but in those ones I did, you know? Baby Myka sort of brought that back for me. In a good way. It just sucks having to say goodbye to her too." Steve holds her close for several minutes before kissing her forehead and moving to help her pack away the baby things. They store them in the attic of the B&B, before bidding each other goodnight. Steve pulls Claudia to him and hugs her once more.

"You matter here, Claude. Babies or no, you always matter." She smiles up at him with watery eyes, kisses his cheek, and heads to bed.

The next morning when Claudia wakes up there's a framed picture on her bedside table. It's one Steve took without her knowledge; it shows herself and baby Myka grinning at each other during a game of patty-cake.


End file.
